We can only determine an individual's sexual preference if we also look at the fantasies accompanying masturbation and not just at the observed sexual behavior. This is due to the assumption that sexual preference traits are more due to fantasies than behavior.
There are three axes of sexual preference:
- Sexual gender preference: for males, for females or for both.
- Sexual body age preference: the attraction to certain stages of development of the body (pre-pubescent, pubescent and post-pubescent) or a combination of more than one. Here we can distinguish two subgroups. Some people feel exclusively attracted to a pre-pubertal or early pubertal body age. Others feel attracted to all three body ages (pedo-hebe-teleiophila), meaning that they are not exclusively attracted to pre-pubertal or early pubertal body ages, but also to an adult body scheme.
- Sexual proclivity: this pertains to special aspects of preferred partners such as body dimensions, skin and hair colour, etc. It also includes the preferred mode of sexual interactions, i.e. vaginal, oral or anal sex. This also relates to attraction to objects such as leather, shoes, socks or diapers and certain body parts besides the genitals, such as feet or hair. Specific ways of interacting, like exposing oneself publicly or secretly observing others during sexual action, is also included here.
Due to innumerable combinations of these three axes, each person has an unique sexual preference structure, just like a fingerprint, which develops in puberty and remains relatively stable throughout one’s lifetime.
Your individual combination leads to the greatest and most intense sexual pleasure. However, this does not mean you can simply act out every desire. There are many reasons to not pursue every fantasy, including endangerment of yourself and others, lack of occasion or feasibility.
The colourful world of sexual desires – three examples
Michael is 17 years old and will soon take his A-levels. He masturbates twice daily. When doing so he reaches excitement by fantasizing about having anal sex with girls aged 4 to 10 (pre-pubertal). He always creates the same image in his imagination: a small, thin, curly-haired girl with chubby red cheeks and a pretty flowered dress. This always leads to his most intense orgasms. Sometimes he also uses pornographic videos. There he watches different scenes, such as a man having vaginal sex or anal sex with a woman with small breasts and the pubic hair shaved off, typicallly in a school uniform. He just peeks to the video but still concentrates on his own fantasies of younger girls. Michael has a girlfriend who is 16. He likes her and enjoys feeling “normal” behaving like the rest of his classmates. He prefers having anal sex with his girlfriend so that he doesn’t see her breasts, which he doesn’t find arousing at all. When he is doing so, he fantasizes about putting his penis into a small girl’s butt or vagina.
Thomas is a 43-year-old lawyer. He began masturbating when he was 12. He remembers to having arousing fantasies of adult women and girls aged 11-15 in knee socks right from the start. Now and then, he buys new or used female knee socks on the internet and smells them while masturbating. Even now these fantasies have not changed. He masturbates every day and prefers his fantasies over videos. Especially because he knows that pornographic materials with girls aged 11-15 is illegal, he only uses videos with adult women having vaginal intercourse while wearing knee socks. Until now, he has not managed to have a relationship because he is afraid a woman will reject him when they get to know his sexual preference.
Carlos is 30 years old and works in construction. He fantasizes about adult men giving him oral sex while many other people are watching them. Other scenes also exist but always include him receiving oral sex from a man. He masturbates twice a week. Carlos is in a loving, communicative relationship with another man who is 35 years old and both knows about and has no problems with the sexual desires of his partner. He prefers anal sex, but is also into oral sex and feels happy to see his boyfriend getting excited. They often visit swinger clubs to live some of Carlos’ fantasies. Both are okay with their sexual preference and are planning their future lives together.
Let’s talk about you
Sexual gender preference (for males, for females or both)
When you stimulate yourself, do you fantasize about male or female partners, or both genders?
Preference for the sexually appealing body schema (prepubescent, (early)pubescent, late and postpubertal or more than one)
When you stimulate yourself, which body age arouses you the most in your sexual fantasies? Does the desired body age vary or do you always fantasize about the same body age? Which body age comes into your mind most often without manipulating your fantasies?
Sexual proclivity (special aspects of preferred partners and/or mode of sexually preferred interactions/behaviours)
When you stimulate yourself, specifically which sexual acts, sexual positions, attributes, objects or special situations arouse you in your sexual fantasies? Is it very important for your arousal to fantasize about those details or can you also reach arousal without those conditions?