Like all people, we sometimes rationalize our own unpleasant behavior and try to change uncomfortable thoughts or feelings when they contradict what we are currently doing. Imagine that you believe eating a lot of fast food is bad, but you still regularly eat chips. That feels strange because your actions and beliefs don't align – this is called cognitive dissonance. Or you regularly use sexual images of children even though you know it's illegal and harmful to you and others, and uncomfortable feelings arise here as well. To reduce this uncomfortable feeling, you try to either change your belief or your behavior. Perhaps you convince yourself that it's not that bad to view abusive images as long as you don't create, share, or pay for them. Or you start watching less in order to align with your beliefs. We usually find it easier to justify something in our minds than to actually change the behavior. Reducing dissonance helps us feel less stressed or confused when we are in a situation where our thoughts and actions don't match. We distort reality through the rose-tinted glasses by comforting ourselves with false justifications. But don't worry, this is quite human and can be changed with a bit of awareness of this phenomenon.
Imagine you're in love. In this phase, you might perceive the world with an overly optimistic perspective, or through "rose-colored glasses." Every gesture and glance from the object of your desire is interpreted as interested, intentional, and affirming, even though someone without these "glasses" would judge the same actions very differently. It’s important to be aware of this and take off those distorting rose-colored glasses to get a clear and objective view.
In relation to sexual assault and the use of abusive imagery, this can lead to the shifting of responsibility from the perpetrator to the victim. When someone sexually abuses a child or uses images of child sexual abuse, these distortions actively occur before, during, and after the act. This can lead to justifications such as: "The child wants to experience sexuality in the same way as adults," "If the child doesn't resist, they must want it," and "This was the last time," or "The images are already there and don't harm anyone anymore." If we fail to recognize and control this, we risk committing sexual assault (again) and/or using abusive images.
Think of a situation where there was a high risk that you would use sexual images of children, commit a sexual assault, or where you have already done so. Use the following questions to assess your experience and behavior and take notes to reflect better:
Įsivaizduokite, kad esate ką nors įsimylėjęs. Šioje ypatingoje fazėje galite suvokti pasaulį pernelyg optimistiškai arba per „rožinius akinius“. Visi trokštamo objekto gestai ir žvilgsniai interpretuojami kaip susidomėjimo ženklas, nors žmogus be šių „akinių“ tuos pačius veiksmus gali vertinti visiškai kitaip. Svarbu tai suvokti ir „nusiimti“ tuos iškreipiančius akinius, kad atgautumėte aiškų ir objektyvų matymą.
Kalbant apie seksualinę prievartą, dėl psichikos šališkumo atsakomybė nuo nusikaltėlio gali būti perkelta aukai. Jei kas nors seksualiai išnaudoja vaiką, tie šališkumai aktyviai pasireiškia prieš prievartą, jos metu ir po jos. Klaidingi įsitikinimai gali būti tokie kaip: „Vaikas nori patirti savo seksualumą taip pat, kaip ir suaugusieji“, „Jei vaikas nesipriešina, vadinasi, jis to nori“ ir „Tai buvo paskutinis kartas“. Jei nepavyksta atpažinti ir pakeisti šių psichikos išankstinių nuostatų, kyla rizika (vėl) įvykdyti seksualinę prievartą.
Pagalvokite apie situaciją, kurioje buvo didelė rizika, kad įvykdysite seksualinę prievartą, arba kurioje jau įvykdėte seksualinį prievartą. Tada, norėdami įvertinti save, pasinaudokite šia schema:
